Magpies beat Crows 21/8/10
Posted in Match Reports on 08/21/2010 10:18 pm by adminThere were some fireworks in this game, but they were mostly in the sky. It was a bit like watching Fitch vs Alves. You couldn’t question the courage, endeavour or takedowns; but there weren’t too many highlights. Neil Craig’s reaction at the end pretty much summed up my thoughts on the game.
Ivan was sporting a poor excuse for a headband. Did someone die or something? Aren’t you supposed to wear it on your arm? A Maric long bomb from 70m found a contest, and the Porpus did a nice dummy screamer, leaving Harry O bewildered, and the ball ran through for a goal! Symes did an uncharacteristic mistake in defence. It was an airy fairy lick your lollipop type handball. Miss Daisy said thankyou very much, and kicked a goal.
Tippett put up the go go gadget arms; Big Willie Style was switched on, and gobbled the crumbs. He snapped an easy goal! Sloane took a nice mark with some close attention from that Brazilian bastard. Sloane kicked it quickly and Jaensch was front and square, like all good crumbers should be. A quick kick found Hollywood Henderson; and Henderson just scampered in for a goal!
Johncock was devouring Magpies like they were wombats! The Crows just won the contested ball in the first quarter, and played on from marks, 71% of the time. That’s what it’s all about Robert Walls you dickwad! Rutten got a free in the backline; maybe some payback from last year, but it’s all too late. Malthouse had fire coming out his ears and arsenic coming out his mouth at quarter time. The Magpies tried to respond but they couldn’t score.
The second quarter was low scoring like Christian’s love life. Well I didn’t want to say my love life, so what’s wrong with that? Tippett wrapped the ball in sticky date pudding, and Walker still couldn’t mark it! I haven’t seen a greater gift since I ripped my shirt off at the Earl of Aberdeen! Do not laugh my friends, I am serious! It was an ugly tight arm wrestle to the finish; a bit like a GSP fight. Jolly caught the Walker fumble bug and spilled the beans; then Walker said thank your mother for the chickens, and snapped a goal!
Johncock got out his sandwedge from 40m. A solid 5 iron would have done the job! Symes was well tanned; I wish I was that well tanned. I think he might be Johncock’s cousin. I sometimes worry I might be a vampire; at least that’s my excuse. Douglas was hard and tough in the second quarter; he was more battered than a piece of flake! Dangerfield was kicking it like a chimpanzee! Pendlebury tried to take on Porplyzia, but the Porpus doesn’t like candy. He only likes fried icecream, haha, no I don’t know what he likes. But he did tackle Pendlebury.
Goals were hard to come by again in the third quarter. A long kick from Thommo, and Tippett roved the contest like Rioli! He snapped a brilliant goal! A Goldsack torpedo found big Kurt again, and the Tippmeister hit Even Stevens. Stevens kicked the goal; good old Even Stevens; I don’t mention him much do I? Malthouse looked like an Italian auctioneer on the boundary line.
The Crows snatched defeat from the jaws of victory in the last quarter. Walker missed a sitter, and I wondered where the Broken Hill magic had gone. He should have grown up in Murray Bridge; that’s where all the magic is, haha! Anthony got a taste of his own medicine when he was holding Walker, and Big Tex got the free and kicked the goal! Did you see Anthony complain like a little bitch? Didak kicked a whorish goal, and I started to get nervous!
Daisy missed a goal from 10m and I said, “Suck my dick Daisy!” I think Wellingham kicked the winning goal, but it’s all a hazy nightmare to me now. Crows only kicked one goal in the last quarter; what a disgrace! The siren sounded and Neil Craig ripped his sound gear from the dugout. I have never seen him get that angry before.
I am not sure who won that game for the Magpies. Maybe Didak. Sometimes to catch a wolf, you need to tie the bait to a tree. There were no trees on the MCG, but if there was I might have tied a nice Riverscape steak, with a six pack of Peroni, and some fried icecream to a tree. Didak might have gone after that instead of the footy.
Christian said Sloane played well, it was a gutsy effort! Goodwin has retired injured. Once you’ve been a wolf, it’s hard to be staked down, like a goat. Manish said Hawks vs Dockers was a walk in the park. Did you see Rioli’s goal? What a legend! I refuse to write match previews anymore, because I really don’t enjoy it.
08/23/2010 at 9:53 am
Hoopatz, you seem to be getting better with age! This report is your most accurate and entertaining thus far. It is littered with idioms and yet encapsulates what every true crow fan is feeling. I am forwarding the link to the advertiser and hopefully you will get regocnition for your love of the game!
Tiger
Ps I laughed at the Ivan’s headband and the sticky date pudding ball call!
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