Adelaide Crows

I would sum up the game as being the same as eating an Ultimate Double Whopper. It tastes good the first few bites, but by the end you will feel sick in your stomach. It was a low scoring first quarter as Brian Taylor said; good old BT, my favourite commentator. Thommo kicked the first goal, which was the highlight of the quarter. Thommo is the leader of the wolfpack.

Johncock is reliable like a GSP takedown. I think we should call it Johncock Stadium, because AAMI sounds a bit nice and girly. I would fear playing at Johncock Stadium if I was an opposition side. The Crows had too many fat behinds, and not enough sausage rolls. Walker, Tippett and Henderson all missed shots they should have kicked. I put it down to me giving them too many compliments during the week so their heads enlarged.

I will tell you what I think of Dangerfield. He wins plenty of contested ball, takes a nice mark, but his foot skills and decision making are sometimes poor for someone who was a number one draft pick. He also generally only plays two good quarters. I don’t think he has had 30 plus possessions in many games.

It was a good physical first quarter from both sides. Power were more polished with their skills and goal kicking. Porplyzia is like a 5 year old kelpie, who doesn’t mind getting knocked around. I thought the commentators were too harsh on him, apart from saying his kicking was ugly, which was true. The guy that sits behind me said, “Porps is a blue collar worker”, and I think that sums it up. I would have him herding elephants, that’s how courageous he is. I put Sloane in the same category. Sloane has added some booty to the midfield. If MJ was alive he might laugh at that. He has added some grunt; maybe this is a better word.

I will tell you what I think of McLeod. McLeod is like a 10 year old border collie. He’s smart, runs all day, but I wouldn’t have him herding rams because he might get hurt. Doughty is like a 13 year old mongrel, who couldn’t herd 10 lambs. Don’t get me wrong, he played alright and was courageous, but I wouldn’t have him captain. Mackay had a sizzling pass to Henderson, but Henderson kicked a behind.

I remember Dangerfield’s ‘Ian Perrie Sunday Special’ in the second quarter, which had an A grade bounce, as they say in golf. It was a mung BT; which was uglier than Caroline Wilson. Dangerfield and Sloane played well in the second quarter. The Crows were turning it over too much. Douglas was just grazing on the wing like a cow. Jaensch was about as useful as Joe Rogan in politics. Drop him Neil!

There was some good linking play from Porplyzia to Sloane to Van Berlo to Jaensch to Walker; but Walker put some diarrhoea on the cake when he kicked a behind. BT said Matt Thomas’ dicky dribbler kick was the craziest thing he has ever seen in his life. You have lived a very sheltered life BT, much like me apparently; at least that’s what people tell me.

There were more missed opportunities in the second quarter. Symes was involved in plenty of linking play. Henderson and Walker couldn’t buy a goal. The Crows were more feral than the Power, which was a pleasant surprise. Symes had a wild forearm on Thomas, but I’m sure Thomas deserves it. It’s a pity he didn’t break his leg and his AC joint; then we’d be even. Carr was very well behaved; maybe he’s saving it all up for the Ramsgate again.

I thought Mackay played alright in the second quarter; even though Abernathy dragged his name through the mud. Bruce depresses me, especially when the Crows are losing. Johncock got caught red handed like Schapelle Corby in Bali. I thought Westhoff might have squeezed some of the life out of him; but it only made him angry; because he smashed Alfred Hitchcock into Narnia! Johncock’s chase and tackle on Banner Hardware was the highlight of the quarter I thought. He also hit Henderson, but Ricky was more crooked than a car salesman! It seemed Van Berlo was playing in the forward line, and he looked lost.

The third quarter was ugly again, with Sloane’s goal the highlight. I thought the Crows lifted their intensity after Sloane’s goal, especially their tackling and contested possessions. Walker kicked an inside out banana goal! I thought the Porpus did a few good things, much like a kelpie herding ewes. Douglas was still grazing like a cow. Porpus had a sizzling pass to Vince, who slotted a nice goal! Ebert kicked a goal from the Dangerfield Pocket right on the siren, and I think it was the sealer. The Crows were trying hard enough, they just had no fluency in their ball movement. They also couldn’t kick a goal to save their lives, or their season.

In the last quarter Thommo sharked a hard ball, gave off to Mackay, who kicked a razzle dazzle pass to Walker. Big Tex kicked the goal! Douglas morphed into a raging bull and started to exert his influence. He must have swallowed some bad grass, and it put some fire in his belly. Sloane soccered a goal in the goal square, and the heart of Johncock Stadium was beating again!

Sloane got involved again when he intercepted a pass, and kicked to Hendo on the 50. Hendo found Mackay a little closer, and The Ferrari kicked the goal! Griffin was flat footed like a fat little kid at the donut factory. He waited for the footy, he should have put up the big dukes BT! Thommo nailed a goal with 10 minutes to go, and I had a glimmer of hope!

The Crows folded in the last 5 minutes like Kimbo Slice after a Matt Mitrione triangle choke. You have to let it simmer, as MJ would say; but not when you are losing. Mark LeCras is the only good thing about WA as far as I am concerned. Hawks vs Saints was like sex with Arianny, then finding out she’s a bloke at the end, haha! Christian said that not me.

I thought Bock and Armstrong looked like lost sheep. Bock was alright defensively, but I don’t think he had any telling possessions. Armstrong was about as reliable as Dan Hardy’s takedown defence. I’m looking forward to tomorrow, because it has to be better than today. I really don’t like 4pm games; I normally feel tired around this time.