Adelaide Crows

It was seagulls vs locusts at Rod Laver Arena!  I thought the seagulls were there to communicate with Sharapova, but it turns out they wanted to hunt locusts.  No amount of falling locusts could stop the demolition man in Djokovic.

Djokovic just rips your heart out of your chest and hits it down the line for a winner.  Hewitt obviously reads this blog because he went for power winners and came to the net occasionally too.  That was the only advice I had.  If it was me I would have forfeited before the match and asked Novak if he wanted to go to the pub.  Then at the pub I would have done my Djokovic impersonation, told him I don’t drink and gone home.

Why didn’t they ask me to commentate the tennis, I used to play tennis.  Did Bruce ever play tennis?  Unfortunately I can’t come up with enough meaningless statistics as Bruce, and I can’t give up being an internet nazi.  I actually enjoyed watching this match, even though it is past my bedtime.

I was thinking today I should start studying biology again.  Craig Williams advertisement at Hoyts Cinema inspired me.  Well it was my best subject in Year 12.  At the moment I am just wasting away my life writing this blog

Federer is too good, but you already knew that.  He just outsmarts his opponents and then pulls drop shots from his ass, haha, no I am just joking.  It is 20 years of practice.  Those high backhand volleys are not from this planet either.  I don’t think there will ever be a player with the touch, feel and grace of Federer.

I am so sick, I think it is food poisoning.  Like I have had diarrhoea all last night and today and I have a fever.  Hold on a minute, I am going to the toilet now.  Either that or I am dying.  There’s more diarrhoea on this page than will ever come from my rear end.  I am worried it was mettwurst, don’t think I have ever felt this sick.  Either that or it’s from my Yogi Tea, maybe malaria, I am just being a hypochondriac now.  It is impossible to catch malaria from tea.

Tomic’s low, flat, bullet forehand is awesome!  He should do that more often.  My advice to Tomic is this, don’t try and outsmart Federer, that is almost impossible.  The guys that beat him either have big serves or hit powerful winners.  Tomic is not that fast moving, so he needs to practice hitting big winners.  Either that or coming to the net, but you have to be fast getting to the net.  Tomic does have good touch and feel for a tall guy.

I saw the movie ‘Young Adult’ today, that was quite good.  It has got Charlize Theron in it.  If you are someone who never feels happy you may identify with this movie.  Also if you live in a childish fantasy world you may enjoy this movie, does that sound like anyone you know?  She is a writer, an alcoholic and a loner.  Still haven’t drunk alcohol, I thought about it today because I get grumpy when I am sick, and when I am grumpy I crave alcohol.

My Rashad is fighting on January 29th AEST around 2:00pm.  No doubt some of you already knew that.  I think it is even in Chicago, Rashad’s hometown!  He might finally get some cheers instead of boos.  The fight that may get more attention is Chael Sonnen vs Michael Bisping, Bisping replaces Munoz who is injured.  Let the trash talking begin!

My brother Rashad is good at trash talking sometimes too.  Saying he was going to put more hands on Davis than that guy at Penn State was probably crossing the line.  You should watch that youtube video where Rashad is making fun of Phil’s voice.  Davis kept saying ”call me” in a high pitch tone in reference to replacing injured fighters, and Rashad was copying his voice.  Small things amuse small minds I guess.

Anyway I think Rashad will win.  I am interested to see if it turns into a wrestling match.  The way I see it Rashad will keep the fight standing and they will neutralise each other in the wrestling.  Some people don’t rate Rashad’s striking but he is a fast, elusive boxer.  He has a speed advantage with his boxing.  Davis does use a wider variety of strikes and his Jiu Jitsu is very good.  They are both great wrestlers but I still think Rashad is the better wrestler, he’s a little more explosive.

Rashad won’t want to get into a grappling war with Davis.  Davis is strong and lanky, that’s not the type of guy you want latching onto your limbs or neck.  But Rashad would probably tell me he’s been working on his Jiu Jitsu a lot, and he thinks he is better at it than Davis.  If Rashad submits Phil I will go beserk!  Just to clarify from my last post, I haven’t had alcohol for 13 days, so I wasn’t drunk when I made fun of Anthony Johnson.  I know he is on Rashad’s team.

Sonnen will beat Bisping.  Bisping’s wrestling is good, but he will soon learn how good Chael Sonnen really is as a wrestler.  Chael could probably take down Jon Jones if that fight ever happens.  Bisping can’t jog away from Chael’s power double.  Bisping is the better striker, but he can’t do much striking on his back.  Bisping’s only hope is to land a knee or uppercut as Chael shoots, but good luck with that!  I hope Bisping keeps it standing so we see a good fight.

It has been hard going without alcohol, especially since I am still a loner.  I don’t feel much different.  I wake up in the morning and feel exceptionally tired.  I don’t know if that means my liver is damaged or if I have sleep apnoea or bad snoring.  I suffer chronic nasal congestion and asthma.  When I exercise my throat constricts as well so I can’t breathe that well.  I think the mucous from my nose runs into my throat.  Maybe lack of oxygen has contributed to my quiet nature.

I am doing this New Ways Program to give up alcohol.  We are up to making values.  I think I need someone else to write my values because I have become too self-absorbed.  I want money, fame and creativity.  Most other people choose friends/family, socialising, work and health to write their values.  That’s what ten years of alcohol and hip hop music does to you.

Let me give you the reasons why I avoid people:

1. I don’t talk much

2. When I do talk it’s not that interesting or I sound stupid

3. My habits were to go home and drink alcohol after seeing a friend because it stressed me out

4. I am overly sensitive, but you already knew that

5.  I keep running out of money and petrol.  I don’t like my job enough to work more.  This week I only had enough petrol left to get to work today.  Lucky I only work two days a week.  This happens on a regular basis.  Nobody is nice enough to drive to my place, no that is too much trouble.  I want someone to hold boxing pads everynight but for me that is a pipe dream.  I would join a boxing club if I had money.  But I would be boxing with 50% vision because my eyes hurt too much when I wear contact lenses.

So if I am ignoring one of my 3 friends I apologise, it is not you, it is me.  My aim is never to drink alcohol again.  I have only lasted 13 days but they say after 6 months is when you feel better.  Not that my daily routines have changed much.  Watch TV, then internet, that’s about it.  I did walk to Morialta Falls and back from my place, about 15km, took 3 hours.  Did the loop walk as well.

The only thing making me feel remotely good is yogi tea, lipton light green tea and bickfords lime juice cordial mixed with soda water.  I drink too much though.  Most of my thoughts revolve around shopping or sex.  Alcohol was suppressing those thoughts but they are back with a vengeance.  So I have wasted money shopping.  Still better than alcohol I guess.  And I obsess about my clothes irritating me, so I wash my clothes everynight, also to pass the time.

It’s been a long time coming I’m back like I forgot something important.  Did anybody see UFC 142 in Rio?  OMG it was the best UFC ever!  I think every fight ended in the first round and Brazil were 7 and 1 in the win loss record.  Anthony Johnson looked like Cheick Kongo with a bike pump up his ass for inflation.  I really think Rumble has forgotten the meaning of life, it’s not to have lat muscles that people could camp under or use as sun shades.

What about Barboza’s spinning heel kick, I really have to start a new highlights package for my life.  It has to be number one.  The Phenom won by submission, rear naked choke.  I’ve seen everything now.  He was the more precise puncher on the feet, and he was able to hold onto Rumble from the bottom to stop too much ground and pound.  Johnson was gased after having top control, once Vitor landed a few punches Johnson really just fell to the ground in exhaustion, then Vitor was able to display beautiful back control finally flattening out Johnson and sinking in the choke.  He distracted him with punches before the choke too.

Rousimar Palhares is one scary Jiu Jitsu artist, but you already knew that.  They call him tree trunk for a reason.  He’s had a ridiculous amount of leg lock victories, and that’s because it only takes him 1 second to grab your leg.  He doesn’t even need to take you down, just a scramble is enough.  Marquardt was the smart one because when he fought him, he wore a tracksuit and worked up a sweat for the fight.  This was so his legs were slippery.

Jose Aldo is just as good as Anderson Silva, I am sorry if you disagree with me.  Their striking is similar, they both have good takedown defence, and they are both fast.  The only difference is Anderson is more elusive and he has had more TKO victories in the first round.  Aldo hits hard man, he whips his body and bad things happen.  Aldo could move up to lightweight because he has a 70 inch reach.

Aldo running out the octagon has to be one of the greatest moments in UFC history.  Even if the officials weren’t too happy about it.  He also got a chair ride on people’s shoulders.  I haven’t got much more to say.  Good to see Lleyton Hewitt win his first match at the Australian Open.  Unless you don’t like the guy, then you probably don’t care.

Yay Geelong won!  I actually don’t really like either of these sides but I hate Collingwood more.  I managed to commentate the first ten minutes of the game with only a few mistakes.  Cats were classier with their skills and ran harder in the last quarter.  Guys like Selwood and Bartel were almost unstoppable, with Bartel winning the Norm Smith Medal.

I wanted to complain about work for once.  I know I have bit my tongue for 2 years and 4 months, and I don’t even complain to my friends about work.  Well it’s still the best pharmacy I have worked in so far because all the staff are nice.  I only worked one day this week which was yesterday (Saturday).  And I am expected to do 150 scripts and make up 40 Medicos between the hours of 9:00am to 5:00pm with no dispense technician.  Of course that could be perceived pressure, maybe I am not expected to finish all the Medicos.  Well I did 150 scripts and 12 Medicos, about normal for a Saturday, my record is 181 scripts and 23 medicos with no dispense technician.  I haven’t had a dispense technician for six months.

These are the type of questions I get asked while furiously trying to pack Medicos: Assistant: What do I do with this stuff in the basket?, Me: What stuff?, Assistant: The rubber bands.  Fling them across the f&%king pharmacy for all I care!  No I never said that.  Me: You put them in the yellow tub.

Assistant: Can I shred this stuff in the basket?, Me: What stuff?, Assistant: You know the stuff?  So then I had to stop packing medicos and walk out to the dispensary to find out what the stuff was.  It was labels and repeats in the shredding basket, of course you shred stuff in the shredding basket.  Me: I said what did you ask me that for?, Assistant: I don’t normally work in dispensary, so I wasn’t sure.  I wouldn’t call that working in dispensary because you didn’t dispense any scripts.

Assistant: Can I shorten these things?, Me: What things?, Assistant: You know the things?.  Once again I had to walk into the dispensary to find out what the things were.  It was the ancillary label rolls that hadn’t been ripped off.  Yes I am a bit messy, but when you are trying to dispense 150 scripts and make up 40 Medicos I figure it’s OK.  Plus the new girl doesn’t like gay people.  She’s cute and all but whatever.  I’m not gay but I try not to judge people based on that.  Apparently you are a loser if you try and stick up for the gay population.

Hey guess what?  I finally figured out why there is so much depression and mental illness in the world.  It’s the captivity of negativity!  Let me explain what this is, although I am sure life coaches have a different explanation.  Many people keep doing jobs they dislike because society (mainly parents) have made them believe the cool jobs are too competitive and you will never succeed at them.  When I say cool jobs I am talking: sports commentary, acting, singing, dancing, racing car driving, comedy etc. 

I know you are thinking: well when other people don’t believe in you, you have to believe in yourself.  But sometimes nobody believes in you apart from yourself.  At least that’s the way I feel.  Like I told Christian I want to be a football commentator on radio and he said you might be a better special comments man.  What’s the world coming to when your best friend doesn’t even believe in you?  It’s probably because his parents filled his head with the same failure projection negativity!

I know you have to work your way up from the bottom with these cool jobs, and that’s the aspect of life I hate.  Plus you need contacts and social networking skills far above my capabilities, especially for commentary.  I have trouble making friends, especially high profile ones.  No that’s not true, I have trouble making friends period.

All I ask of parents and people who can only envision failure is to change your mindset.  Like if your child says I want to be an actor or commentator, don’t make fun of them.  Tell them to keep practising and enrol them in courses that will enable them to achieve this.  They may never get into these careers, but at least they will have tried rather than not taken the first step at all.  That’s depression, not taking the first step at all.  I spend a few hours a week memorising players names and trying to commentate football games, yes I make some mistakes, but eventually I might perfect it.  I’ve only been practising five weeks.  I also commentate every UFC event and send it to my friend.

I have finally worked out what my problem is, it’s only taken 32 years.  I don’t get much joy from talking to people because I am not good at it.  In fact sometimes I actually feel worse after talking to people.  I know the cure for depression is social interaction, but I am not sure that will work for me.  So I can imagine the next 40 years of my life to be slow, miserable and boring, but at least I know what’s wrong with me now.

I’m swimming in the smoke, of bridges I have burned, haha!  Did you know that song starts playing on Triple M everytime I get into my car.  It’s like someone is watching me, who is stalking me by the way?  I heard a rumour somebody in Adelaide is stalking me.  Am I really that important?

Yes it is true, my loneliness is self-imposed.  I was devastated when Hawks lost on Friday night.  I actually wrote this post just to prove I am still alive incase Christian was worried.  Bateman blew his chance, get rid of him!  I know he gets plenty of possessions but he’s a nervous nelly.  I was praying Puopolo or Rioli would snap a goal in the dying minutes, but it was all in vain.  Who am I kidding, I only pray about UFC.

Cats beat Eagles easily which surprised me.  Based on this week’s form I would have to tip Geelong next week.  The way Hawks played is how you beat Magpies, they just couldn’t sustain it for four quarters.  Even if it turns into a shootout, I still see Geelong winning.  Collingwood’s goal kicking lets them down a bit.

Sanderson is Crows coach, what do you think of that?  As long as he doesn’t get injured he’ll be fine, haha!  I hope his coaching career at Adelaide is longer than his playing career.  I’m joking by the way, I think his stint at Geelong will make him a good coach.

I think Naitanui will win the Brownlow, and I don’t care if you think I am delusional.  Cats win by 35 points next week, Pies kick 25 behinds.  Joel Selwood wins the Norm Smith.  And Jon Jones hits Rampage with 30 unanswered ground and pound elbows, ending the fight at 3:20 of the second round.  Do you need any other predictions?  If you need to contact me use mental telepathy or come to my unit.  Finally I think the umpires favour both Geelong and Collingwood too much, it’s a conspiracy.

I think I want to be a commentator because I don’t talk much so I need to express myself somehow.  My voice only gets excited when I commentate, which made me think that’s what makes me happy.  The rest of the time my voice is mono-tone.  Am I right?

The sad thing is when my Mum asked what job I wanted to do I was too embarrassed to say commentator.  I thought I would be shot down.  In all honesty my Dad is more likely to shoot me down than my Mum.  Not shoot with a gun, shoot with words.  Plus they paid for my degree so I feel I have to keep being a pharmacist.

What’s holding me back is I’m sometimes one second too slow with my commentary, I don’t have a deep voice, I have trouble memorising all the players names and I’d much rather be a UFC commentator than a football commentator.  It’s so much easier.  I seriously think MMA commentary is the best job in the world.

No doubt most of you have a career dream and you have all these fears holding you back.  “Live for your dreams!” Vitor Belfort

I commentated 10 minutes of this game, maybe this is as good as it gets?  Should put a link here, no doubt I will put a link on twitter or something.  I have memorised the Hawks and Blues players so if they play each other in the finals I will commentate the whole game.

Here are my awards for 2011:

Hardest Working Player: Scott Thompson

Most Improved Player: Jared Petrenko

Best Young Player Over 30 Games: Rory Sloane

Best Young Player Under 30 Games: Matthew Wright

Biggest Under Achievers: Neil Craig, Shaun McKernan and Patrick Dangerfield

Best Forward: Taylor Walker

Best Defender: Graham Johncock

Best Recruit: Sam Jacobs

Biggest Question Mark: Skills and fitness

I remember I watched McKernan at training in 2009 and he looked like a natural footballer, but he just hasn’t blossomed much.  I don’t know if it’s poor coaching or poor mindset.  While Dangerfield works hard in patches and is courageous, he makes silly mistakes and goes missing for quarters.  With so many errors in 2011 I can see three reasons:

1. Fitness

2. Mindset

3. Poor recruiting and poor coaching

I don’t play football so I don’t know which of these reasons is most likely.

Eagles just ran harder and had better skills.  Let me give Dangerfield and Henderson some advice: if you run full pace head first into a shoulder or hip you will probably get hurt.  They were like puppies with tunnel vision.  I remember the last puppy I had: she had this big green ball I rolled down the passage.  She would chase after it.  This one time she ran full pace head first into the lounge chair.  It had a metal edge which is what she hit.  She refused to chase the green ball for one week after that.  No offence to Hendo and Danger, they are very courageous.

Let me tell you something about the three Selwoods; they duck their head when they get tackled so they receive a high tackle free kick.  I might be exaggerating for effect, but no doubt at least one person agrees with me.

GSP’s cousin LeCras sneaks out the back like a supervisor with invoices to process, haha!  Seriously, I don’t know what supervisors do all day on the back office computer, probably play computer games.  Naitanui uses the ‘Fijian Magic’, you can’t teach these things!

Chandella Powell had a relaxing time in Brazil, I just thought you should know that.  She is a UFC octagon girl.  It doesn’t look like I will be commentating UFC 135 unless Rogan gets sick or something.  I might have to fake an American accent.  My advice to the few friends I do have is, why do you wait 6 months to 2 years to contact me?  By then I have found comfort in being a loner, so I ignore your texts and phone calls.  My final piece of advice is this: Introverted extroverted doesn’t matter!